Lindsay Lohan: I would never steal, I was not raised to lie, cheat, or steal

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It’s come time for the part of the Crack Hustle Cycle for both Mother Crackhead and Crackhead Junior to get on their high horses and deny, deny, deny. Yesterday, Dina piped up and told PopEater that Lindsay’s felony charge was “all good” because “God has a big plan.” Then last night (during the peak crack hours), Lindsay tweeted this crack-filled crack lie:

Was on the phone with my sister&this movie Greenberg is on, i heard my voice which was odd- and ryhs ifans is watching Just My Luck in the movie- made me laugh.. i just want to be on set again, and left alone to just work! fyi- i would never steal, in case people are wondering. I was not raised to lie, cheat, or steal… also, what i wear to court shouldnt be front page news. it’s just absurd. god bless xox L

[From Lindsay’s Twitter feed]

Where to start? Let’s begin with the explicit denial: “I would never steal, in case people are wondering.” We’re not “wondering,” we know for a fact that she’s a crack thief. Since this particular instance of crack thievery, various outlets have compiled (incomplete) lists of what Lindsay has stolen, which include (by my estimation, but not a complete list): a fur coat, a Rolex, leggings “designs”, $10,000 worth of clothes from a friend, Parisian jewels in an ingenious heist and $400,000 worth of jewelry from a magazine shoot. So, Lindsay Lohan: Still A Crack Liar, In Addition to Being a Crack Thief.

Next: “I was not raised to lie, cheat, or steal” – Yeah, that’s not the case, either. Mother Crackhead was the one who taught Lindsay the art of the grift, and now the student has become the teacher, and the old teacher has become the cracked-out enabler.

Next: “also, what I wear to court shouldnt be front page news. it’s just absurd.” Well… what Lindsay wore showed her blatant disrespect for the judicial process, considering she was wearing a skin-tight minidress with likely no panties or bra. Oh, and she treated the walk into the courthouse like a catwalk, reveling in the attention. Oh, and she got her hair done and her lips freshly plumped for the event too. Because Lindsay thinks every court appearance is like a casting call in which she’ll have to “perform” on her knees.

Last: “I just want to be on set again, and left alone to just work!” No, she doesn’t. If she wanted that, she would be taking all of this seriously and she would be doing what it takes to be sober and honest and reliable. Here’s the kicker: Lindsay loves all of this. She loves the attention. She loves the hustle. She loves the drama. She thinks her life is one big performance.

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Photos courtesy of Fame & WENN.

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